How to Speak to Your Donor-Conceived Child
Children who are conceived through donor-conception have a unique story. It is recommended that parents start working on their child’s donor-conceived stories using these three important elements:
A discussion to develop an understanding of how families are different. The Family Book by Todd Parr is one example of a great book that shows families are different. It is important for children to learn at an early age that some families have one mom and one dad or just one mom or just one dad. Some families have two moms or two dads. Some children grow in their mommy’s belly and some children grow in someone else’s belly. Regardless of how a family looks, all families are beautiful the way they are.
A discussion about the mechanics of conception. A good place to start is with the basics: all children need a sperm, egg and uterus to come into the world. There are many books and resources like The Pea That Was Me by Kim Kluger-Bell to help add on to the basics. The Center for Family Building’s website has a list of other books that can help explain donor conception to your child. Documenting your child’s story may feel scary. Not knowing how your child will react can be a fearful experience. Yet, it will be very important for your child to know the truth of her/his conception story; the sooner the better. Knowing her/his story will help your child better understand herself/himself: from physical features to emotional dispositions, even personality traits.
A discussion about YOUR CHILD’s personal story-this is where you build your child’s LIFEBOOK: a documentary of your child’s journey of conception that began in your heart. Starting this book is helpful for both you and your child. You can write about your wishes for a future family. You can even put your thoughts into a letter. Maybe consider writing about your surrogate. Including funny stories that happened along the pregnancy and what it was like meeting your doctor for the first time are just a couple of ideas to start with. There is no right or wrong way of creating a LIFEBOOK for your child. It will be a wonderful social and emotional resource for your child to have.